Geeky Jokes – Part II

// October 6th, 2012 // Geek Humor

We present a collection of Geeky jokes – Part II.

Engineer execution

A doctor, a lawyer,and an engineer are sentenced to death. Why is not important to the story…what’s important is that the death sentence will be carried out in France – via guillotine.

The doctor is first. The executioner straps him down, hoists the glittering blade aloft, and lets it drop…whereupon it sticks about halfway down.  Now, it’s a well-known tradition in capital punishment that if the execution apparatus fails for any reason, this is interpreted as a sign from God, and the death sentence is commuted. Accordingly, the doctor walks away, still very much alive.

The lawyer is next. The executioner straps him down, hoists the glittering blade aloft, and lets it drop…whereupon it sticks in the exact same spot.  Same rules apply…lawyer walks away none the worse.

The engineer is last. The executioner straps him down, as he hoists the blade aloft, the engineer twists his neck around, peers up at the blade, and says: “You know, I think I see your trouble there…”

 

Oh how they multiply

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The Physicist: “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”.

The Biologist: “They have reproduced”.

The Mathematician: “If now exactly one person enters the house then it will be empty again.”

 

Cajun NASA job interview

A NASA manager was interviewing men for a job, when along came a Louisiana Cajun.

“You gotta pass my test first”, he told the applicant. Here’s your first question. Without using numbers represent the number 9.”

“Without numbers?” the Cajun says. “Dat’s easy,” and proceeds to draw 3 trees.

“What’s this?” the foreman asks.

“Well, tree and tree and tree make nine,” says the Cajun.

“Fair enough,” replies the foreman. “Here is your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”

The Cajun stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture of the three trees and makes a smudge on each tree. “Ere you go.”

The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”

“Each of da trees is dirty now! So dirty tree and dirty tree and dirty tree. Dat is 99!”

“All right. Last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”

The Cajun stares into space again, then picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree, and says, “Ere you go. One hundred!”

The foreman looks at the attempt. “How in the world does this represent a hundred?”

The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases, and says, “A little dog come along and crap by each tree, so now you’ve got dirty tree and a turd and dirty tree and a turd and dirty tree and turd, and dat make one ‘undred.  So when do I start work?”

 

The support we know all too well

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position and course to get back to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading “WHERE AM I?” and hold it up for the building’s occupants to see.

People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER” sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded “I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer.”

 

The computer programmer and the ugly frog

A computer programmer was driving his Porsche down the road. He stops for a stop sign and notices a frog in the middle of the road. The frog says to the programmer, “Hey you in the car. I’m not really a frog. I used to be a beautiful princess. If you kiss me, I will turn back into a princess and in return I will give you the best night of sex you’ve ever had.”

The computer programmer mumbles, “Sure, yeah.”  He picks up the frog and then continues down the road.

The frog then says, “OK look. If you kiss me, I’ll give you a whole week of incredible sex.”

The programmer mumbles, “Sure, yeah.”

The frog says more forcably this time, “Look maybe you don’t understand. I’m tired of being a frog. If you kiss me I’ll give you the best sex you’ve ever had for the rest of your entire life.”

Once again the programmer mumbles “sure, yeah.”

Finally the frog says, “Well can you at least tell me why you won’t kiss me?”

The computer programmer says, “Well you see I’m a computer programmer and don’t have much time for sex. But a talking frog is really neat.”

 





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